The Most Important Thing Hypnobirthing Taught Me

I'm writing this sat in hospital awaiting my son's third surgery.

And I want to talk about our experience today, and why being able to confidently advocate for your child is one of the most important skills you can have as a parent.

It's also a skill I first learnt whilst pregnant with him, when I did a hypnobirthing course myself.

Birth is often the first time we have to advocate for our babies, but it's rarely the last.

We've had an incredibly difficult six months in and out of hospital. Three operations, two hideous nuclear medicine scans, an unprecedented amount of trips to A&E and multiple stays on the ward. As a result, M has developed a lot of trauma around cannulas. Even the thought of one being fitted results in tears and panic. When they're necessary, my husband and I have to physically restrain him whilst he's screaming and trying to scale the walls. It's an incredibly distressing experience for us all.

The worst of which I remember so distinctly. It was during his first nuclear medicine scan, where I had to restrain him on my own and keep him still for half an hour whilst they got all the necessary images and repeatedly pushed the nuclear medicine through the cannula which caused him so much pain.

It was so awful. The student nurse with me had tears in her eyes and, when it was all over, told me she couldn't believe how well I'd coped. She said she didn't think she'd have held it together if it was her own child.

With all of this in mind, for his second operation we opted, together with M, to choose a gas induction via a mask rather than a cannula for his general anaesthetic. The anaesthetist agreed and it went well. So when it came to his third operation, we already knew this was what was best for him.

My husband first explained very clearly to the anaesthetists all the reasons why we were requesting a gas induction, but he was met with so much pushback. I then further elaborated on why this was our choice and why we felt it was best for M. We explained that we totally understand there are times where a cannula isn't optional, such as the additional nuclear medicine scans he will need again in a few months' time. But if we can ever choose not to have one and save him that distress, then that's what we'll do. It made far more sense for the cannula needed for this operation to be fitted whilst he was already asleep.

Despite this, we were met with comments such as:

"But we know best!"

"In our experience they just have to get on with it."

"It would be much better to just do it."

"We should at least try."

We had to advocate SO strongly.

At that point, I genuinely thought they would relent, but unfortunately the pushback continued. What shocked me most was that they then went over our heads and started speaking directly to our six-year-old, trying to convince him to accept the cannula.

"Today's the day to fight your fears!"

"It won't hurt at all."

Considering everything he has been through over the last six months, this was quite clearly NOT the day to fight his fear. This was the day to make his third operation as comfortable and as unscary as possible. I'm so glad we stood our ground.

Had I not done hypnobirthing, I'm not sure I would have felt confident enough to push back. Understanding informed consent, understanding that we had choices, and understanding that we could say no to something we didn't feel was in M's best interests gave us the confidence to keep advocating for him.

Eventually, they signed off on the gas induction. But sadly their conversation with him had already done the damage. As by the time we were heading down to theatre, he was crying about the thought of a cannula. I won't lie, it absolutely broke my heart and set me off in tears too. I picked him up and cuddled him all the way down.

Even more frustratingly I was met with a snarky comment from one of the anaesthetists in the theatre itself. As M was falling asleep and trying to remain sitting up (a totally normal response once the gas starts to work), they sneered, "It's too late to back out now."

The comment was completely uncalled for & unnecessary as M did brilliantly with the gas induction. He breathed in the gas, blew up the green balloon exactly as instructed, and drifted off to sleep. So the gas induction was absolutely the right choice for him.

Last week wasn’t the first time I’ve had to advocate for him. If we go right back to the beginning of this nightmare...

On the first day back at school after Christmas, M slipped over on the ice, badly hurt his hip and was sick because of the pain. I took him to A&E where they seemed more concerned about dehydration than anything else, so after sorting that out we were discharged. Unfortunately M then spent the rest of the week screaming on and off in agonising pain, so I just knew something wasn't right.

I took him to the GP, who did a full examination and sent us on our way with a diagnosis of ‘colic’. Utter bullshit as of course ‘colic’ is used to describe episodes of excessive, unexplained crying in an otherwise healthy baby – not a 6 year old.

A day later I decided to see if the pharmacy could help me, and they were brilliant - I was given some new medication to try, but sadly it didn't help. He was still screaming in pain so back to A&E we went,.

A&E tried to quickly dismiss us with ‘it’s probably just constipation’, but I demanded I wanted imaging on his bowel and a blood test - I just knew something wasn’t right, he was normally such a brave boy and there has to be something going on for him to be screaming in pain. They pushed back saying we wouldn’t normally, but finally agreed. We were sent home that evening after being shown an x ray that he ‘just had severe constipation’ and lots of medication.

3 days later I had an urgent call from the A&E doctor who told me they had made a mistake and we needed to come in right away for an urgent ultrasound... from that moment our world just got flipped upside down.

I think that’s as much as I’m comfortable to share for right now, but my point is, advocacy is everything.

You really owe it to your baby, to be able to advocate for them strongly, confidently - you will always know your baby best, when something isn’t quite right - speak up, push back if you need too. Don’t get me wrong - YES, absolutely medical professionals are amazing and have great expertise & knowledge and their skill save lives every single day and I am INCREDIBLY grateful to have the NHS!

But I would argue, the most valuable knowledge in the room, especially on those initial visits to the doctor, is the parents because nobody knows your little one like you do!

It can be really hard to advocate and trust your gut. Learning how to do this and cultivating self trust in pregnancy is the key to becoming a strong parent. Hypnobirthing is what did this for me and I believe it’s the greatest skill I teach in all I do.

If you'd like to work with me for comprehensive antenatal education and learn the skills of advocacy, informed decision-making and self-trust before your baby arrives, I'd love to support you!

My July Northampton Group Hypnobirthing course dates have just been announced – click here for more information!  Please note there will be no group courses during August. Get in touch with me via email thebirthbase@Gmail.com or Instagram @thebirthbase to snap up your space!

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